Aftermath

after all this, where are we?

Dec 17, 2025

A year has come to close again.

This truly was a year of ridiculous changes in my life. I experienced showing art in a whole new way, I pushed my medium the farthest I have, and I moved to my own place. I’ve reinterpreted autonomy and realized I can live the life I want, not the one I have. I faced hardships I didn’t even know existed, and I slightly got over my fear of r**ches. I went to the club, I went to art events, and I went home. I saw america fall, and I saw families smile. Kids told me they want to make art like me.

This wasn’t an easy year by any means. But I addressed things I wanted to do my whole life. It was all difficult, but I feel like I closed out many chapters.

Now I’m at a blank slate.

Again.

And everything feels the same.

So painfully the same. Arguably, feels kinda worse. The pressures ramped up, and there’s less for me to blame things on. It seems that all my problems were actually distracting from a main unknown problem that I seem to run into. And I just don’t know what this problem is. Currently I desperately want stability. I also desperately want to be a full time artists, and currently these two goals counter each other (unless?). I would desperately like to wake up and be excited for the day. And I’d desperately like to take care of my body, while desperately wanting to have sleepless nights creating animations I didn’t know were possible. I feel like I am being pulled between being stable and being able to push myself, while being stuck in a place where neither is an option. If I stop my current way of life, I can only see a life that is much more difficult and empty. I am seeing in the aftermath of all the change in my life I am still the same.

For a 4 out of 10 segue, I wanted to talk abt some pieces I made recently to address these feelings.

Breathe, Carrion!

I was taking the train back from work thinking of how painful it is to breathe sometimes. The hardest part is knowing that the next breath is the same as the last. I move forward with no change. But sometimes, very rarely, the next breathe is entirely different. Its an inhale that fills your body, where you process the air fully just to exhale it into a new world. There’s very little reason to it, but sometimes things just feel lighter. I used to meditate daily back in my time in Utah, and I got to experience this frequently. In this inhale, I feel a ramping up of emotions, reflected in the increasing saturation of the background. I inhale, and feel a stillness in the world thats portrayed in the metallization of the figure and its disintegration. The world shifts in this middle area, and the data I register corrupts itself into something new. A new self forms, a bit similar, and a bit different. The old body and mind I had became ripped and shattered into something new.

Manic Pixie Dream Bird (forgot to post the updated version on ig lol)

The repetition of change is difficult for me. Sometimes it is the constant hammering away at something that makes change. Other times, the same actions push me into stagnancy. Its hard to do something every day with no results. I see my goals shift and falter the same days I achieve them. In this animation, a bird flutters through a vibrant world before collapsing into the ground. It feels silly to do the same thing over and over and expect something new. The bird grows legs as it was told that its a good way to move around. It flies again, but slightly belabored. Another crash, harder than the last time. It loses its wings and stays stuck to the ground. The whimsy of the world faded. The highest it can go is only what is physically accessible. It climbs the train tracks and stares back at us, preserving itself in a mound that refuses to move anymore. I think it wants to know what else it could do, but in a way that means its done everything it could to fly. yeesh.

Safe Travels

We straddle between two worlds, the real and the desired. I travel through them daily. The reality of a data entry job, mixed with the whimsy of an art filled train ride. I see my acheivements though. Little flowers bloom in my real life, that remind me of the things I chase the most. I go to the MoMA frequently and I get to recognize art I hate and love. I walk around Manhattan finding beautiful little scenes to keep to myself or record for my art. I see pigeons and I’m reminded of my art. I get to see these little things that remind me of what I break myself for. In that, the baggage of life is lost. I have a bad habit of keeping my stresses and weights pressed against the forefront of my mind, to a point that I arguably cherish it. Its my crutch - my burdens are my crutch. But flowers bloom, and suddenly the weights are shaken off me. I’ve been training my animation style to incorporate as much of my daily life as possible, and it lets me find more precious moments in the day. As the video changes colors, the boundaries between them blur further. As I dive deeper into my mediums, my real and desired world slowly fall into each other. It’s humbling to know that the world around me is my medium, and that I can only share fragments of it. I want to release the crutches I carry to go find some flowers.

Cleaner (forgot to post the updated version on ig lol)

Of course, in this world, birds have to do menial labor. Yes, the world is abstracted; what world isn’t? I made this piece back in September but came back to add this vibrancy. The little mounds in the back get lost in the glory, but the cleaner knows what needs to go. The imagination becomes grounded in reality. The cleaner sweeps the mounds, letting them become birds that are finally free to leave. These birds take some of the color of life away. They clear the reality we imagine. When addressed, there isn’t much left to affect the world. It leaves us with us. The bird looks around, and in the side of a screen we see a mouse hide into its hole. There’s mounds of rubble everywhere. This is the reality we are left with - we have ourselves and the tools needed to clean whats around us. This was the first piece I made in this series, but recently it feels more like the finale. I thought cleaning up the loose ends of life is the start of change, but I’m coming to realize that even when old messes are cleaned, things may just be the same with less clutter. I really hope that this realization isn’t the final answer, personally.

I feel like I always make art about change, but maybe thats the part that stays the same. Maybe I watch too many videos about having scorpio placements. That also will not change. I just want more for myself. I see too many people give up on their dreams, from generational pressures in the family to instagram accounts that post less and less. I can’t lose this, even if I can trade it for some stability. I see people live as full time artists, and it’s not pretty. I can’t live like that either. Conundrum! I will and I can live the life I want with security and stability. its just going to be stupidly difficult. For no real reason at all. I’ve cleaned up all the loose ends, now its time for new things to come. Maybe I have to look for it, maybe it can ideally show up (please please please please please) please.

The next year will be good. Only because it has to be. Change has to happen.

Cheers

Faraz

p.s. I am planning on minting all these for .125 eth. If you are interested, pls lmk know and I can privately exchange it ur way. I am still figuring out a date for this, but it may be soon. it may be january. if someone does want to collect I will probably list them all sooner too so lmk or forever hold ur piss xoxo

ps.s working on a short film now so not many shorter animations otw. but I j hit 500 handhelds! slayyyyy