Limits

dont need them fr

omg hiiii

I just left an unemployment meeting, and I was told about the Self-Employment Assistance Program. Its time to legally recognize this bizniss.

I think im finally stabilized post-work-contract- termination. I have my daily routine that im pretty ok with, but I do feel rested and the energy lets me push myself a lot. I’ve done all my paperwork too. My website is updated fully, my social links are cleaned, and my art has been re-catalogued. I’m able to keep up with my handhelds, push my animations, create sculptures, and still go out and see friends and exhibitions. I was worried I’d feel lonely, unmotivated, and stir crazy but honestly I feel like I get a good balance of things to keep me sane. and I go to the gym daily which im now seeing results like fr im grabbing my moobs crazy style like wow i kinda did that.

I’ve had a bit of a mental breakthrough recently. I have lived a life of limits. There was always resistance in doing things; I couldn’t focus on my art bc of my job. I couldn’t date bc I wanted to focus on my art. and I don’t make enough money to do anything. theres a few lists of these but these is the headliners. and once I left the job, I could focus on art. im using my savings but the commissions are trickling in. ignoring the dating part tho. but after these changes I am still actively looking for issues. and its created a weird warping of my reality. I can’t work on art because I have to send emails/paperwork. I can’t do anything because I don’t have a stable income. I shouldn’t hang out with people as I need to focus on my art.

These limits are self imposed now. arguably they were self imposed before. It’s just bizarre knowing I don’t have to live like that anymore. not for now at least. it doesn’t feel like a weight off my shoulders; its more like when you chew the same thing of gum for hours and finally find a trash can. Its stuff I never realized I was doing even though its been my whole life. I didn’t carry my limits with any dread or misery, it was just some of the rules and regulations of being alive. it offered stability. that might be why I am looking for problems now. working on a problem feels like stability. kinda disincentivizes finding a solution though.

but now I get to see how to live again. I’m pulling different routines from different parts of my life and seeing what works. its all experimental, and subject to change. My days working on commissions are different than my personal project days. my social days are different than my solo days. and I like that. if anything, my deli guy knows my order so maybe thats my stability. there’s no more ceiling and I see no rain.

gg

faraz

ps. ive run into a good number of ppl who’ve said i’m truly on the edge of success rn. im told this year is the one. I agree. arguably I think I hit it. I can’t tell if I’m seeing the finish line, or if im too delirious to see if i crossed it already. alas

piss. multiple ppl told me to keep making newsletters so im hiiiii i did itttttt

p.e.s. rumor has it im finishing that short film i mentioned eras ago

pissssss. ive been ending all convos w ppl w a pitch that I’m looking for commissions sooooo omg hiiiiii im open for commissions to anything lmkkkk

pisc. unemployment also has hella free college classes so ima b doing that for the foreseeable future cuz y does calarts have freelancing classes like

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some pics from the past misc amount of time - the moma ps1 pic is from the ear concert back in april; it was the first concert I went to solo, i came wayyyy too early but it was def a fun time, unsure if ill do it again but worth it fr

yesss the new stopmotion is hereeeee

omg and i have a new sculpture live now

also tried out a new marketing idea lmk ur thoughts

finnn