Made it Out the Groupchat
we're outsideeee
An unfortunate truth of my life is that I will always get sick after a busy period of life. My body j fights for its life until there’s a bit of a break, and then im hit w a plague. And after a long string of commissions, my body has decided to cease functioning and now my stomach is jumping around and my throat hurts asf. I also got an insane allergy last week where I was j itchy with no rashes or redness so I thought I was going insane. While I was already mentally not there, I did have to wake up at 5 am to itch my whole body in an exorcism-like fashion and then take a claritin.
But this email isnt abt my feeble immune system. Its about the homies.
Not in a tea spilling way but in a community building way.
Moving to NYC is still my chosen personality rn, and one of my goals in this was to figure out how to bring a community together. I rly had nobody in person before being here, but now theyre everywhere. I’ve been able to meet ppl individually, and hang out whenever we can. I hung out w my neighbors for a while and we chill on our steps. The ppl at Black Seed Bagel say “hi faraz” when I walk in (huge flex/ get shitted on yall xoxo). its cool.
I get invited to go out, invited to meet ppl, and invited to just enjoy company. Its rly nice, and I’m also content saying no so I can either chill or focus on my own works. To have a community to just rally has been rly nice, and I can j get active whenever now. I appreciate solo time, but it’s nice to have shared experiences.
Hosting these events have been interesting tho - since ive moved here ive felt pretty dissociated from everything that happens like all the time, but while hosting i kinda turn into a mom almost - make sure everyone is fed/hydrated, seeing if everyones having a lil time, keeping the conversations going. Its a lot of micromanaging, not for my own self but just to make sure everyone else is doing well. I like doing it, but I wouldnt mind being the person whos j there for the ride. J have someone else do all the planning and wrangling stuff lmao.
But a lot of it feels surface level sometimes. Im too busy micromanaging things that I can’t rly spend time with individual ppl as much. I know it takes time, but I wanna get comfy with the silences. I wanna know what made these ppl them; who they are, who they wanna be, and what they wanna do. Its hard tn to get into these deep talks since everything j feels so impermanent. and just liminal overall. The people are always coming in and out of the city, and it’s hard to find a sense of stability or reliability. The ever changingness of the city is more of a passing thought, but in these moments of being surrounded by the lil community I gathered, I can only wonder haw many times id have to rebuild it. Hopefully 3 times tops cuz damn smfh this shit is hard. and constantly inviting new ppl makes it hard to get to rly know the other ppl but uhhhh we out here.
I rly do recommend hosting events tho - bring random friends together, itll b a cute lil time and the start of something great. and even if its super awkward then thats j something to talk abt the next day.
Alas we out here,
ily
faraz
ps. its cool cuz im able to do dif things w dif parts of the friend groups - sometimes we go out, sometimes we protest, sometimes we make art and vibe. Overall, having a variety of things has been fun. we rly r j looking for stimulation frfr.
pss i finally had a porch moment where we’re j chillin on the steps for a few hours. used to b a huge porch guy in college too so this was nice to j b the local ambience
psss ummmm im hungee but I am sending this email on time so yippee xoxo
unfortunatly the cost of meeting ppl means i just dont text dms unless theres a legit linkup happening ( i dont even use my calender its truly just vibes and object permanence) 
A single work sketch. I think these r some shapes ive seen while smoking. which would b a crazy context but also cool asf. this one kinda looks like a warden or knight or something like that. 
oh to be an ever changing person with ever changing ppl um free palestine/congo/sudan/haiti
