Oh the Places We'll Goix
and the places we've been :3
gaddamn.
It has been 2 weeks. that may have lasted 12 years. I went to new york. Saw my pieces on walls, screens, and a van. Saw people ive been listening to and chatting with online for years. got my ass beat by all the dust/pollen busting my eyes out. traveled so many staircases. like the main venue i was at had 5 levels and an elevator that spent its life studying patience and has found peace in the moment (not what i need from an elevator when i am hunting down an open bathroom). fuggin walked around chinatown for almost an hour tryna get some food like bruh i had a group of ppl w me and I absolutely failed them. my burden has doubled. (I went back to the venue defeated (11pm) and picked up more ppl and we then got sushi even tho i was fully in a hunger-induced dissociation). so many cool ppl from all over the world were there - painters, illustrators, collage artists, sculptors, digital 3d artists, photographers, a small lil japanese man who appeared from a shrub and showed me and a few ppl his business card which was all in japanese (we struggled in having a conversation), photographers, and so much more. there was a picnic, a library trip, a museum visit, and the occasional kickback that were so filled w life and j made me feel alive again. + i saw an undergrad friend??? vibes. kinda rly wanna move to nyc now :/
its kinda wild meeting ppl from online. we all have our lil profile pics but then when we meet in person it either all makes sense or confuses me more. but it was so satisfying to put names to faces, and see who was making the art ive been studying for a year and a half. idrk what else to say but it rly was a beautiful moment to j hang out and live w the ppl thats been in my silly little phone world for so long. i wanna talk to them more lmao. so many limiting beliefs got flying kicked in the chest and i wanna embrace the freedom more.
and for more freedom, i will graduate next week. and I will b leaving utah w the greatest of speeds. this place has been not so great for me as a person, honestly. could not connect w my ppl, rly struggled w my classes, not great living situation, anxiety asf, and j found it rly hard to enjoy myself here. there were some nice moments here, especially this year, but it is time for me to go. and while this was tough, i learned so much abt myself and my habits. and without these, i would not have gotten this far w my art. I dont regret anything, but damn utah has hands. i will b leaving my rear view mirror and never returning like ~
the greatest lesson ive learned - there is a new day coming. fight while u have to -dont stop fighting- , and j know that there is something beautiful coming in
so much love, so much gratitude. thanks for being with me in these past few years. its been beautiful in the madness, and its only getting better ( and potentially more mad~)
faraz
ps. many people told me i should apply to residencies. so i will apply to residencies. people told me to apply to grant. idk who grant is but I will find him. and i will apply to them. s/o grant
ppss. i think my goal is to be a traveling artist. I feel like i found myself and can do self exploration anywhere, but im tryna find the hoes see the world. i stepped into the art world to see something new. and I will see the world with new eyes. + if i can get flown out thatd b such a vibe id feel so obedient itd b crazy
meeeeee ✨ was vibing but this was the start of the show
since im graduating im puttin my wood on hiatus~ but i will b playing w stamps now. or at least until i get home home but this is v fun
this so real and now i gotta touch up the cvv and webby site and then im truly in my era