I rly did go viral last month wow
Its still hitting me, but its been a big shake in the already busy month. My schedules all wonky cuz of Ramadan, and even if I haven’t been following it too accurately, its been strange managing social media and this new schedule.
I wake up 6:30 to check my socials, then try and break my fast. I get ready for work and try and do my first stopmotion. I’m at work listening to art critiques, history, philosophies, or politics to help create a new idea. I don’t sketch as much at work anymore, which im kinda sad about, but work has been a lot busier recently. On my lunch breaks I’ve been going on walks, yapping w coworkers, or visiting the MOMA. I keep seeing the hunger in the halal cart owners spirits theyre all so brave. Like that rly couldnt b me i feel so bad lmao. The day ends, and I hop back on the train to finish my stopmotion. Sheer coincidence brings me home, where I either have to run an errand, or play a bit of the pokemon tcg on my phone, and then I try to edit my short film before I gotta go break my fast. But now that my socials have been too active so I usually spend like 45 mins responding to anything I havent responded to during the day/week. once the fast is broken I j start cooking. I post my handhelds while letting water boil. i eat and watch some anime, and if I’m lucky its around 9:30 pm. unfortunately it can end up being 10:30. if im luckier I can work on a short film. realistically I end up lying in bed j waiting.. 11pm and im out.
It’s a brutal schedule - weekends are better ish, I still need to do my errands and usually it’s more social, but I just sleep a lot and work in the same short film. I rly can’t justify the time I put into it but I hope it comes out right. It’ll be a good project but it’s turned into a time sink that I don’t have energy for. Every minute is intended for something, and even the moments where nothing happens are to push me into the next. It’s grueling. I’ve been able to make this work, but whenever I get a break of sorts, I get sick. It’s so evil that I get sick when I stop making art. Lowkey a flex but highkey a terrible indicator for my health. Like I can’t be living like this.
There’s a general American worship of “the struggle” when it comes to everything, but in this case when making something on your own. I’m not exempt from that - most of my struggles have been rewarded in some way. From either being vocal on my identity, activism, to my struggles with living here. My current struggle is that I’m writing this on the way to work and the trains r so delayed rn.
I don’t know how to stop, but I don’t know the alternative to this. How can I fight for what I want and push myself as an artist while still supporting myself financially. How can I support my art career and my work career? Can I make new friends and keep old ones? Is there any rest for somewho’s always trying to make something? Hmmmmm
Ultimately this struggle is getting me results. I’ve found my niche to build social media that also lets me get better at my art. My followings on my accounts have grown a lot this month. (In my current spot, numbers are important - it’s the only way I have reach rn and it lets me reach new audiences, which is wat I’m going for). And my art’s gotten a lot better. While it might not be technically better sometimes, thinking of different processes are much more automatic. I do believe in pushing yourself for your art, but it’s the fact I’m harming myself in the process which makes this hurt. I don’t want to be rewarded for degrading my health, I don’t worship the struggle like that.
I’m happy I’m still making these handhelds from a place of loving the process. There’s definitely days I create and post just to get followers, but I still go through my old posts frequently to fully appreciate it. Even when I don’t wanna make something I can appreciate where it took me. I wanna see how my relationship to this art style changes over time, but I’ve been consistently a fan (if anything I wish there were more stories or meaning(so many ppl pull meanings from pieces I thought nothing of it’s insane))
Well, good stuff. Still trying to find regularity w these but we out here
Love,
Faraz
ps ive been doing commissions im locking in harder rn
pss i have work in like an hour this is so silly i need to b free
psss i also made a youtube channel def sub here xoxo
yessssssss im still plugging my zine