Omg how’s it 2025 already.
2024 was a lot- fundraiser, friends, community, a job, moved to nyc. It’s been nonstop. Handhelds have taken me far, I made a zine, and I’m still making art. Dude a short film too omg omg there’s so much. It’s been so non stop, but there hasn’t been much time for personal reflection, which I miss.
Doing all these things have been great, but it occupies all my time. It’s what I wanted - more stimulation. Less time to spiral, and more time to act on what I’ve learned from hibernation. It’s been a beautifully hard change honestly, but I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed it, it rly has been one of the best years of my life. But sometimes it feels like I’ve experienced joy in a way that’s casted an empty shadow.
In all this motion I’ve walked away from myself, with the hopes to take care of my future self. I’ve disregarded my own battery and body in the hopes of building what I could be, and I want to bring myself with me into this future. To feel more connected with who I am and who I’m building myself for.
But this is my dilemma- how can I want more for myself but also enjoy being enough at the moment? I know I deserve more, but the endless pursuit is leaving me behind. It’s giving conundrum icl.
I’ll see what I can do - either take walks more or meditate? Going to art museums/galleries don’t really help as I’m just analyzing the works to see what I can do better. Socializing is fun but it can be exhausting. I do like a night out even if it’s expensive. Journaling helps? If anything it j gets any larger questions and mental dilemmas out of my mind. Should def quit smoking. I’m usually a consistent person, so breaking habits to make room for better ones can be challenging. I’m not sure yet how to want more for myself while still being grateful for what I have, as I never really wanted more in the way I do now.
I’m not in a huge rush to answer this question, as I do like the results of the endless pursuit- my art is getting drastically better, and I’ve built a strong momentum. The pursuit gets you far, its just hard to know if you are going in the right direction while having consistent goals in mind. hmmm
The answer might just be to keep creating for creations sake, but that would be kinda corny :/
Theres a lot I want to do in 2025 - a solo show is definitely happening. I want to get back into sculptures. Keep the handhelds consistent (even if tiktok goes down). More short films. Maybe learn a digital medium too. I want to be able to do these things while staying grounded though, and its hard doing that while constantly looking up what what things could be.
hmmm I think thats it for now.
Much love and happy new year!
Faraz
ps buy my zine omg
pps i dont want to start the year sounding all doom and gloom but I am v hopeful for the future, and this is a good place for me to be in rn
ppps i quit smoking for a bit and didn’t shit for like 3 days that was crazy lmao
buy my zine its so fire
ofc