Alas, I’ve hit a closing point. Its a point where I feel like I’ve done all I wanted.
For someone starting as a more serious artist from 2020, I got a good amount of success. I’ve been in gallery pop-ups, traveled for my art, sold and shipped works, and gained thousands of followers. I’ve networked and made really good friends both in and out of the art world. I’ve organized and partook in fundraisers raising over $25,000 between Sudanese and Palestinian people.
Moving to New York City has been amazing, and I’ve been able to experience so much. Food has been amazing - while it’s more expensive, it usually tastes amazing. I have a full time job with so much liberties within it. I work at an auction house, and I’ve been able to see so much artwork this past year. I have the privilege to go to the MOMA for free with my company card on my lunch break, just to stare at Agnes Pelton’s painting The Fountain and nothing else. (Please look at it its such a beautiful work that captures a bit of what I’m feeling now). I can eat lunch in Central Park, and work on art when I’m back. I take art history classes whenever I have the free time. And I like my coworkers, which is such a blessing.
I’ve met so many cool people. Artists, gallerists, DJs, models, photographers, animators, professors, coordinators, activists, and my neighbors. Communities are everywhere, and I’ve been able to social butterfly my way in and out of these spaces. It’s beautiful to see people come together for a common cause. And it’s all I asked for. Moving here, I got everything I asked for in a year. And I don’t know what to do next. I’m not even sure if I am fulfilled from these achievements.
Sure, I can always just do more. More shows. More sales. More art to study. More friends. More followers. More income. But for what? I make art as it is fulfilling. The rest is just a byproduct. I’m 26 and got all the accolades I wanted. I got what I wanted and its still not enough - and I still can’t register why.
“It’s like you’re living the dream, but you’re not living your life”
- Caroline Polachek, Everything is romantic featuring caroline polachek by Charli xcx
Everything working on paper doesn’t mean it works in real life. I love my friend group, and I have all I want. But am I in a place to ask for more? People I can be real and genuine around? Confidence to meet new people and understand maybe our connections will only be in passing? Taking my art to bigger and better places? Or is the satisfaction of art all I need? One of the many curses of being an artist is that it’s so easy to lose track of time, and so easy to lose track of life. I have hibernated before, and it put me in a two year life hiatus after college. I made amazing works, but I became a shell of a human who only made art. That was the dream at the time, and it turned into a nightmare.
There’s moments where artists need to be obsessed, but that isn’t the moment for me currently. I need to live life again. I need a reminder to see what its all for again. The best I have felt in my art was when I helped run my first fundraiser, and when I saw someone inspired by my handheld. Back in October 2023, a friend of mine was starting a fundraiser for Palestinian Civilians. It was one of the best times for me to be unemployed, as I was able to put so much time into this that the other members of this three person team couldn’t. I sent messages to so many artists, reached out to collectors, tweeted out threads, and did as much as I could to garner the right attention to this.
While my hibernation era was rough, I found the results of it had lead me to this moment. For the two years prior to this, I was in Grad School in Utah studying game design. I realized too late it wasn’t my calling, but outside of class I was only working on art and meeting people online. I ended up in the NFT scene - it had an amazing international scene, and the idea of directly sending money internationally seemed revolutionary. A currency that won’t be affected by embargos or imperialist actions seemed too good to be true. I saw art that I didn’t even realize was art.
I connected with artist throughout the Americas, and through all continents and regions. It even showed me that digital art had a future, which helped me reenter a stopmotion era. Everyone I connected with helped me in this fundraiser - either through participating, collecting art, or resharing the info. We had 62 artist create works for this, and we raised over $15,000 which was sent to groups directly on the ground - the Jordan Hashemite Charity Organization. I helped run two more fundraisers, one for Sudanese people trying to escape the senseless war, and another for Palestine with the support of a gallery, Superlative Gallery.
Being able to make art for a tangible cause was amazing, and showed me the best way to change the world through art. Fundraising. Changing the mindsets and views of people take years. But direct aid is priceless in times of immediate need. Very recently, someone tagged me in a video on tiktok. The video was a clay figure in the palm of someone’s hand. It danced, it sat, it squirmed, and morphed beautifully through the screen. The person who tagged me made their own Handheld, and it was beautiful. I got to see my work being played out in someone else’s world, and it felt so real. A lot of artist’s don’t want their work to be recreated, and that is incredibly fair. It’s their IP, their creation, and their source of income. It’s already so hard for an artist to make money, so to have someone imitate your work is kind of a gut punch. But these Handhelds aren’t a source of income for me. If I can show people what is possible with some time and a medium, I am excited to hold the door open for others. I want to see what the world has in store, and that knowledge is one of the best parts of my current art career.
While I’m in a period of confusion, I usually take these with an understanding that the places I’ll go is only better. I do want to be in galleries, shows, viewings. I will be having a solo show in 2025. I push my mediums as much as I can, and I’ll keep seeing it develop. I’ll ingest much more art than I thought possible.
I’ll share my art for the world to see. I will meet more people, and make connections that will last minutes or years. Find people to change my life. I’ll also be in the clubs, because I’m still trying to be outside. I have everything I want, and now I need to see how to make these moments fulfilling. I want to enjoy the present. No matter how aimless things seem, forward is the best way to go. I only know that I want to create, and I am excited to see what is next. It’s time to help usher a whole new world.
Much Love,
Faraz
ps i drank too much at the work holiday party my stomach is turning into a stopmotion
pss i made a zine and its out now xoxo click me
psss happy holidays yall
yuh