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Through the Pavement
road trip shenans
I finished my road trip a few weeks ago and I’m still trying to understand where I am now. It was a great trip - saw friends, family, art, animals, national parks, and so many takeout restaurants. The trip was partly a graduation gift, and partly a self gift of me leaving Ut*h. Sitting in a car for 17 days get you thinking tho. So many thoughts to think abt too.
Where am I? Where am I with my art? did I get as far as I want? have a grown enough? Is this restaurant in a sports bar the only place open in Cheyenne Wyoming rn or do i have to risk being hate crimed? Have I had the same conversations for 2 years? How can I move forward after all that?
Of course, having the sun cook the west side of my face all day (usually didnt start driving till noon ish) did not help me answer these questions. There has been progress in all of these (I did not get hate crimed in wyoming but thank god too cuz the pasta i got from there healed my inner child). But I rly forgot that there is so much to do outside. I’ve been living in the “everything is art” and “everything is nature” mindset for a long time, and cuz of that i became complacent with absorbing the world directly around me. While theres a lot of good parts to that mindset, like being present and appreciating each moment, it made me not look for novelty in my surroundings. I went to the Badlands, Mall of America, a Bison Sanctuary, the Key Stone Park, the Shenandoah mountains and a solid handful of art museums and galleries. I’ve never been one for hiking (its just level 2 walking) but I rly tried to see what the States were hiding. It was beautiful (shocker) but I think im just impressed I actually got myself out there.
The Badlands was definitely a life changing moment, mostly because that was where I understood a rly harsh cycle of my life was ending, while the Shenandoah showed me theres a new day coming. I don’t think it was those places itself that changed my life, but me understanding clarity again in a new, vast place that was full of nature, life, birds, and energy.
I also figured out a lot abt my social anxieties. I went to see a lot of friends on this trip too! Highschool, College, and artists that I’ve met along the way. And each time I was nervous to see them. But it was an excitement. an excitement that was sitting for too long, turning itself into anxiety. but once we finally got to see each other, all the tension was gone. That first interaction is what stops all the anxieties. Ive learned this so many times, but its something that is always a blessing to learn again. I’ve been wanting more ppl in my life, but its the anxiety before the first interaction that always had me stumped. Maybe ill j pull up to ppls houses and get it moving from there c:
And now Im back home, looking for a j*b. yes I will be in my employed era, but that does not stop the creation of art. It’ll be tough for sure, but making my art under pressure is just not that fun tbh. but this does mean i can up my prices so yayyyy.
Alas, the endless cycle of realizing continues. and i have realized that cherishing every moment should not be the end, but aiming for better moments to cherish is also v nice. throwing some road trip pics at the bottom :0)
ps. The best part of this trip was that I was off my phone for most of it. Its been a huge obsession recently but it is what it is ish.
pss. i rly dont want a job but i want to b paid so bad but the place im looking at is kinda fire icl
psp. the only thing i miss rn is the ability to take walks in a city cuz rn im living in a place w nowhere to walk to smh
some links https://linktr.ee/razdoesart
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