Where'd u go?
and hwhere r u going?
Yall.
This summer was j hardship after clubbing after hardship after the streets after hardship. Truly total juxtapositions of suffering at work to suffering at the club. It all started at brat.
June:
damn this was rly years ago. I got a heads up that my job wouldnt b renewing my contract. I had to figure out housing too since my roommates wanted to move. Several trips back home. A date(v rare tbh). While also grinding out commissions - it was one of those months where everything blurred again. Not cuz there was nothing to do, but because there was everything happening. In the midst of everything, a gallery in Bali (!!!Shoutout to Superlative Gallery) reached out to redo the Art for Humanity fundraiser - so the gang truly got back together.
this was the beginning of a cataclysmic combination. Brat just dropped, reigniting my passion for morning cigs. and afterwork cigs as well as pre-bed cigs. daresay, a nicotine addiction, :/ . I went to the Charli xcx concert j as the album came out, and that was the entrance into the gates of purgatory (it was such a good time tho it was j the girls gays and theys queening out). The reality of having to look for a new job also hit, and that was just rough - i act don’t think I applied for anything but like 2 jobs, I was fully ready to make art full time even tho im j not in the place to do that lmfao. I was almost excited to do it - I wouldve had just enough money to finish my lease too, and that rly wouldve been the last month in nyc if nothing panned out. Thankfully, some people from my team left, and cuz of that I was able to keep my job which was v nice.
The commissions were also a lot too - I act do enjoy making commissions tbh. I have the time to make my own pieces, but the commissions let me push myself in new ways with an extra sense of pressure. I also now have contracts which is hype - i think ill have a lil something on spotify soon (?)
The date was a whole time - after many scheduling errors and rematching on tinder after like 2 years we met, had a nice chat, a little smoke - and then they brought their friend. who they met on hinge. now that was a bit of a flag, but i figured id see it out (i gave up 30 mins into the date) (if ur reading this ily pookie uk i respect ur community building<333). it ended in a solidarity moment w all three of us (lmfao) but honestly, a good time. No idea if thats still going but we’ll see. (*i’ll see - idk abt yall i might j pop out with a new rock but xoxo).
July:
what a waste of a month bruh. almost all the functions I went to were ass, too damn hot, work was j silly. but! We had our staff art show prep, which was a cool thing to see at work - I was able to try cataloguing artworks out, which was fun, and then got to see how AI would work in my silly little data entry job. And I went home again this month.
The nightlife was j not doing it - the clubs were not popping, the concerts were kinda whack, and the drinks werent doing what they needed to. Except for a brat night at market hotel. It j wasnt a brat summer in july, it was j hot and developed a nicotine addiction pt 2.
I did get a day off from everything tho, and I went to the Untermyer Conservatory Gardens! Its j a garden/park thats like an hour north of the city, and is filled w rly nice classic architecture. I rly do love roman/greek classic motifs, so to j be away from the world and figure out life in this space was rly nice. I was in a place where I felt that I couldn’t make real connections, and I wasn’t sure who was a friend vs a network. Im still figuring it out, but I do like building longterm connections, which has been difficult here.
Its tough going home honestly - sometimes its appreciated, but sometimes it just feels like a shattering of routines. It doesn’t rly help with quitting smoking either - I get a break fs, but it j shakes up my schedule a lot. It takes me a few weeks to get into a good rhythm. and so far by the time the rhythm is made, theres a trip back home to take. Either for a family event, or a medical check. Its annoying, but I get to see my dog. Its good for breaking bad patterns too, but I def lose the energy to restart once im back in the city. alas, i get free food.
The second Art for Humanity fundraiser went live! we raise 2.88 eth, which was around $7,500. It wasn’t as much as we made last time around, but its still amazing to do this. It was rushed though - the gallery reached out to us with a deadline of a month, and they didn’t rly prepare well for this. We ended up taking over a lot of the project, and that was just a lot to deal with during this month. I am happy I can take these steps tho - I’ve been able to find more ppl into activism and people who want to change the world for the best. It is what it is, and to have curated a show in Bali is kinda wild tbh.
O and my laptop just didn’t work this month. Like fully restarted an art project like 6 times bc it wouldn’t render, then I got a new laptop which didn’t connect to wifi. So my art in july was just non existent after the commission was done. which was ass
August:
So far, this month has also been busy. existential too, and I’ve j been half feeling a lot of half emotions. I’ve been doing a short film (omg this is so mind numbing), my handhelds (on tiktok give it a follow fr), I was able to have a piece in my staff show (Christie’s!!), figure out moving, and then a deep existential dread on relations in the city.
Something that I’ve learned was that I dissociate a lot. my therapist called it a dissociative disorder but I don’t rly remember that part fr. But theres a lot of times im on autopilot and j zone out hard. It was originally a protective means for myself, but now its j detrimental - I zone out in the middle of conversations, and have no memory of some rly beautiful parts in my life. And I wanted to do a short animation about this - around 1 minute, maybe 1:30 min. I def had a grand idea for this too, but I have to do some trimming from how my energy looks. I wanted to do voicelines and dialogue. I thought it would be a cool touch. But now that I have a minute of footage, I have no enerfy to go and rotoscope all this and clean everything up. There were small bumps into the camera too which means the footage isn’t as centered and consistent as I want it to be. There’s a lot of small errors, and its rly annoying. But I want to see this through
the other layer of that is that I’ve had a bit more recent success in the film side of life. I got into a screening in London back in May, and they may do something again this year. the UK got racist asf recently but i still might go (depends on how thats going tbh). I’ve been able to meet a few film ppl in the are too. It feels like a door that just appeared, but after working on this for so long I don’t think its a path Ill go through right now. I like my shorts, and thatll pay out just fine. and its a lot easier to manage that energy with my job.
My handhelds have been going crazy fr. it scratches an itch i haven’t reached in a minute. its helps in thinking in several dimensions, really understanding motion, and reunderstanding stopmotion animation. I’ve been reunderstanding animation as something that displays an idea to something that can connect several ideas. Animations are really about connecting multiple images at once, and the fun is figuring out how to connect them; to show the before and after of something. Im also seeing my art and ideas get visibly better. I just need to see how to bring it into a legit piece.
Christie’s! The grand announcement! I work there! as like an operations position but it still counts fr. Yall know I was fighting for my life last year to get a job, and a friend of mine (hey lol) helped me get here! Its a fun job, but v mindless. I do data entry, but its v cool seeing artwork that gets released from collections just to be sold off again and vanish for like 30 years or something. and the ppl r a vibe. - we had our staff art show, and i was able to display two animations. V cool, hella ppl liked it, mmmm attention economy<3. but a lot of ppl said they saw others stop by my piece, and i think a coworker had beef w me cuz he thought i was taking attention away from his piece. but frankly their attention isn’t something i can take its only something they can give sooooo xoxo <#. I wasn’t able to make a sale but this has been a huge year for me. From christies show, job, move to nyc, new friends, fundraising, showings, sotheby’s article, and general improvement on my art, its been so much and im too thankful atp.
Now the dread. I’ve been here, ive enjoyed it, and now i’ve hit a burnout point. its mostly been in relationships. It hard to feel like some relationships are meant to be long term or short term. I rly dont like networking, mostly bc those relationships j feel hollow. I want to get to know ppl on a deeper level, and idk how. I have a few v close friends but I want them all to squad up fr. But I also don’t know if I want new friends. like I’ve been feeling that I want something new in my life, and idk how to get there. Like I j want a refresh. not a move to Utah level, but just a new cast of characters. Its been cool meeting ppl, but Im not rly sure how to go about meeting new ppl anymore. How would I distribute my time? how would I meet them? would it be transitional, or instant? is this j social climbing? ahhhh so much to think abt. This might also just be mental gymnastics to keep myself occupied, but I want something new. I think that as my art and job got stagnant, this feels like the only thing I can control right now. It always comes back to control (dam u sza).
And now we are here. Today, in the bus back to NYC. I’ve been meaning to keep sending newsletters, but these times have been tumultuous indeed. I rly just didn’t have the bandwidth or time for this. I don’t guarantee how consistent I can be either, but Ill try and go back to the twice a month system. maybe once a month? alas. I am always happy to get these back up, and rly excited for whats to come. I need to update my resume and website too, cuz it got stacked up fr. But its been great to be back, and Im excited to bring these back too.
Much love, and long time no see,
Faraz
ps. the consistency of these newsletters are mostly dependent on my own bandwidth, and if im able to allocate time to it. I used to write them on the train, but Ive been doing my handhelds and reading a little more there, which i thoroughly enjoy. even my journaling fell off. Its tough losing these habits, but I’ve been making good ones regardless. Idk how I’ll keep doing these but I am hopeful/
psss. looking for roommates oct→onwards
Piss. so happy I didnt say d*mure like ppl legit need to leave these online atp
whelp here we are again.